Evidence

Tuesday, September 7, 2021 

I sit at the table in a little ski cabin in North Carolina we rented for some much-needed R&R. As I gaze out the picture windows, the mountains and forest beyond smile back at me. The weather is perfect. Not hot. Not really cold, although it was chilly this morning…for the Floridian I’ve apparently become. There is nothing pressing. No cakes to bake, no flowers to arrange, no card designs to put together. Just peace and quiet. 

Strange. 

This past Sunday, the culmination of months of planning took place, and my first baby girl was married. I’ve gained a wonderful son, and I couldn’t be happier for the two of them. 

As I sit here surrounded by the beauty of God’s creation and reflect on the past couple of weeks, I can’t help but see His loving hand. God gave me a nudge earlier as I was having coffee on the veranda, admiring the mountains and listening to music. One line in particular stood out as the song “Evidence” by Josh Baldwin played.

“I see the evidence of Your goodness all over my life…”

I don’t know the rest of the lyrics. That’s all I heard. I suppose those words were all I needed to hear, because that was the point God wanted me to take to heart. 

Though happy about the wedding and the joy of my daughter, we are physically and emotionally exhausted. We’ve been through a lot in the past month. So have many people. In fact, there are others who have been through or are going through much worse. I know that, and it is sobering. Maybe that should lessen my struggle, but it doesn’t.

This past August 13 marked the five-year anniversary of my mother’s passing. Though I will always miss her, I praise the Lord she’s with Him and doesn’t have to see the world of today. She has no hurts or concerns. She’s never heard of covid. But August 13 now marks even more grief. The father of a friend of my girls, a man who served in a church we used to attend, lost his hard-fought battle against Covid on that day. I couldn’t understand it. Why, God? I asked. 

That same day, one of the chaplains who worked under my husband, who had come down with covid the week before, was admitted to the hospital. He was doing okay—or so we thought. I was sure he would pull through. We all thought he would. But on August 27, covid claimed him as yet another of its victims. It gutted me. Maybe it shouldn’t have—he’s in a better place—but I prayed so hard. On my knees, multiple times a day, with tears. So many others prayed just as hard. I was sure…up until the last minute…that God was going to perform a miracle and save our friend. Yes, He healed him…by taking him to Heaven. Fr. Andrew was a devoted chaplain in the hospital, ministering to patients, many of whom were sick with this plague. That is probably where he contracted the disease despite taking all precautions. 

On Wednesday we attended Fr. Andrew’s funeral. So many other grief-stricken people were there, mourning his death yet celebrating his life. He was only fifty years old. A vibrant personality who lit up the room as soon as he walked in. With so many plans. Such a strong will to live and serve the God he loved. I couldn’t seem to stanch my grief. Nor could I stem the question running through my mind. Why? Where was God’s protection for a man serving Him, who hoped to continue doing so for many years? Why didn’t God show His power and glory by bringing him back from the brink of death? I had expected a miracle.

The day after the funeral, we hit the road for DeLand, Florida, where we rented a house that became our wedding headquarters. It was lovely, built in 1912, paradise for a history buff like me. And peaceful. The perfect place for all our preparations. When I say it was peaceful, the house and neighborhood were. But inside was a beehive of activity. Cake baking, flower arranging, details with DJ being worked out, steaming out wrinkles in dresses and suits, and…and…and…. 

All the craziness was worth it. What a blessed wedding day. Dark clouds and rumors of showers early on dissipated to beautiful blue skies. One of my greatest concerns leading up to the wedding (and an outside ceremony) was blistering heat. I’m the world’s greatest heat wimp, and Florida is, well, hot and sticky. But we had perfect weather. The humidity was down, and though the day was warm, a nice breeze made itself a VERY welcomed guest. God’s gifts to us. There were a few glitches overall—sound muted for those attending through zoom, a veil that didn’t want to stay in place, and a few other goofs that someday we’ll laugh about. But what a wonderful day. My daughter glowed with happiness, and I got to visit with some dear friends I haven’t seen in years. We were able to put aside the grief and thoughts of our recent personal tragedy and enjoy our daughter’s important day. 

Monday rolled around with another flurry of activity, packing, cleaning our rented house and hitting the road for the mountains. After a long day on the road, we collapsed in foreign beds and slept like rocks with no time to revisit the grief of loss. But this quiet Tuesday morning brought back the memories. And the tears.  

So here I sit in contemplation, surrounded by the peace and quiet of nature. Resting and relaxing. And yes, enjoying this moment of reprieve God has gifted us.

I still have questions. I will never understand why God took these two servants. But then, I don’t have to understand it. I’ve come to accept that. God has a greater purpose than my tunnel-visioned expectations. He still sits on the throne. He’s greater than covid or corrupt government or flawed medical practices. And I really do see the evidence of His goodness all over my life. In big details like a wonderful new son-in-law who cannot wipe from his facial expressions the depth of his love for my daughter. And the corresponding joy on her face. Like long-lasting, sister friends. Even in little details like pleasant weather. And quiet mountain scenes. And the words from a song I’d forgotten I’d saved in my Spotify list. And healing. But I guess that’s one of the big details.

I could keep on presenting my evidence, but we have mountain trails to explore and waterfalls to discover.

View from ski cabin veranda

Beauty and the Mona Lisa Smile

Have you ever wondered about the woman from da Vinci’s most famous painting? Who was she? Theories abound and range from a princess to an unknown courtesan, to Vinci’s mother, to his self-portrait.

Wait. What? Self-portrait? Isn’t Lisa a girl? There are some who look at Lisa and think she has masculine features. I didn’t think so, but after learning a little more about beauty standards in 15th and 16th century Italy, it made a little sense. Not much, but a little. 

Lisa has a normal sized forehead. No bangs, but not so wide that it looks as if she has a receding hair line. Women of the Renaissance wanted wide foreheads, and if they didn’t have one naturally, which most women didn’t, they would pluck out the hair around their faces in order to get that look. Hair was considered a bad thing for women. They would pluck their eyebrows either completely or to a very fine line. Some snipped off their eyelashes if they were too long. Huh? I thought long eyelashes were a part of a woman’s charm. 

It goes back to the “science” of the era. Men were “hot and dry” and women were “cold and wet”. Don’t ask. Remember, this was a bridge period, a transition from centuries of Medieval superstitions to the modern age of increasing knowledge. Hot and dry—masculinity—bred hair. Cold and wet—femininity—didn’t. If a woman had too much hair anywhere on her body but the back of her head, she might be overlooked for a good marriage because she would be seen as too hot and dry, or masculine, to be a good baby oven. Ah, but Lisa has no eyebrows or eyelashes that we can see. So maybe she was a lady and not a man. Or maybe over cleaning of the portrait through the years removed the paint where eyebrows and eyelashes had been? It’s a theory, but I don’t buy it. Yet another theory is that the attention-deficit da Vinci never finished the portrait. Seems unlikely as well. 

Another clue is her hair color. I used to think Lisa’s hair was dark brown. And maybe it was. Naturally. But closer inspection reveals the hair under the veil has a reddish or auburn tint. The kind of red that dark hair might take on from being in the sun for long periods of time. 

Another beauty requirement for Renaissance women was blond hair. Before you get a mental picture of a bunch of chubby Renaissance beauties sitting around outside sunbathing in their linen shifts, faces turned toward the sun and soaking up its warmth, remember tanned skin was not considered beautiful. The more pale the skin, the better. Women would use lead based white make-up to give their skin that perfect, pale porcelain doll look. This make-up didn’t just clog their pores and give them a little acne if they didn’t clean it off at the end of the day. No, this stuff was poisonous and often ate holes in the skin of their faces. Some women used more lead paint to cover up the holes, and made the holes deeper. Some women died of lead poisoning. All because they wanted to live up to an unreasonable standard of beauty. I guess we haven’t progressed all that far in 500 years, huh? Lead paint might be out, but women, young and old, continue to do horrible things to their bodies in order to live up to a standard that few, if any, women fit naturally. But I’m rabbit trailing. Or soap boxing. Sort of. 

To get that beautiful blond hair without access to Walgreens for a box of hair bleach, and without acquiring the dark skin staying in the sun too long can cause, our Renaissance predecessors spent hours in the sun wearing a crownless hat with a wide brim, which covered their faces but allowed the hair to be exposed to the sun. Sometimes they wore a cape that hung down from the hat and covered their entire bodies. I mean, God forbid they get a little color on their hands. Especially since delicate and feminine (pale) hands were also a thing of beauty to be admired in the perfect Renaissance woman. As a person who does not like the heat, hates to sweat unless I’m exercising, the thought of sitting under a blanket for hours in full sun, waiting for my hair to lighten to a lovely blond is truly torturous. But that’s what they did. Well, the rich ones who had the kind of time to sit around and do nothing but sweat. 

Maybe Lisa didn’t have large amounts of free time to sit out in the sun. But maybe when the baby was sleeping and she had a few moments to put her feet up, she would sit outside so her hair could soak up some of those hair-lightening rays. Her lovely raven locks turned, not to orange blond, but to auburn. Another clue that maybe, just maybe, she was a woman and not a man, since men didn’t have the same unnatural beauty requirements and were allowed to have brown or black hair. 

Lisa’s oblong but full face gives us another clue. Here is one instance where the women had it easier than the men. I know! Finally. Women were supposed to be a little fuller figured. Soft curves and rounded bellies were in. Just look at Botticelli’s women if you don’t believe me. Those dome shaped bellies were seen as symbols of fertility. If a woman was too skinny, she might be passed up for a good marriage arrangement because she would be seen as too scrawny or too fragile to bear children. Men, on the other hand, were supposed to be tall, slim, athletic, toned. I mean, tight tights. Lisa’s full face, rounded shoulders, and chubby white hands indicate a fuller figure, which also points to her being a woman. Some believe she was actually pregnant at the time, that the painting was commissioned to commemorate the birth of a child. I’m convinced she was a woman. 

So who was this lady? Way back in 1550, Giorgio Vasari, an art historian of the era, identified her as Lisa Gherardini del Giocondo. Francesco del Giocondo was a silk merchant from Florence, wealthy enough to commission a painting of his wife from the famous Leonardo da Vinci. Vasari’s identification, however, was made decades after the portrait’s commissioning, and this identity was argued through the centuries. Until six hundred or so years after Lisa posed for her portrait. In 2005, a note was discovered from an acquaintance of da Vinci’s stating he had been working on Lisa’s portrait. Some contend it, but most current art historians seem to agree the Mona Lisa truly is the portrait of Lisa del Giocondo. 

A number of the Renaissance beauties immortalized in da Vinci’s, Botticelli’s and other famous painters of the time died early or tragically. Simonetta Vespucci, Botticelli’s Venus, comes to mind. But that doesn’t seem to have been Lisa’s case. 

At age fifteen she married a man who was quite a bit older—not uncommon at the time. Her family was an old aristocratic family that seems to have lost its influence and a good deal of its wealth by the time of her marriage. Since marriages were often arrangements made to bring wealth or prestige, nobility or even peace to the two families involved, the fact Lisa’s dowry wasn’t that large leads many to believe she actually was in love with the man she married. Her family name might have brought him prestige since it was an old, noble family name. But it’s nice to think that, in a time when men sought wives for social status and wealth, and mistresses for love and lust, maybe Lisa was one of those blessed women who actually married for love. I like to think so. Francesco’s own words seem to attest to his love for his wife. In his will, he made sure she would be well taken care of upon his death. And to reinforce that, he wrote the following to his children:

“Given the affection and love of the testator towards Mona Lisa, his beloved wife; in consideration of the fact that Lisa has always acted with a noble spirit and as a faithful wife; wishing that she shall have all she needs…”

There is some argument over when Lisa died. Some say she died of the plague at age 63. Others contend—and this is the one I choose to believe—she died at the ripe old age of 71, cared for by her daughter Marietta, a respected member of the highly regarded Florentine convent of Sant’Orsola.

Lisa’s life may have been comfortable, but it wasn’t all fun and games. She suffered the tragedy of losing a child, a baby daughter, in 1499. And then her eldest daughter, Camilla, died young at age 18. She outlived her husband, and I’m sure his passing was not easy for her. 

All in all, it’s nice to think that the Mona Lisa smile isn’t really all that enigmatic, and certainly not sad. I see a middle class woman who fit neither the extreme beauty standards of her day nor ours, but who was happy or at least content with the life she had been granted. She had a husband who loved her, and though not as wealthy as the Medici, lived a financially comfortable life and died knowing she had been loved. 

Knowing all this about Mona Lisa gives me a whole new perspective on the painting. I can relate to Lisa. Although I don’t fit the standards of beauty our Hollywood-dictating media imposes on women and girls, I have a husband and two daughters who love me. We live comfortably, and I’m sure when I’m old, if I cannot fend for myself, my girls will step in and take care of me till my dying breath. I think that’s worth more than living up to unrealistic beauty standards.

*This post was originally published on my blog at blogspot on July 17, 2017.

The Coin Conspiracy and two Men Named Josh

Liberty Head or V nickel. Notice the word “cents” is missing.

When is a nickel not a nickel?

When it’s a five dollar gold coin. Or something like that.

Do you ever wonder about the origins of words or sayings? I do. I find language and words fascinating. Not surprising, considering I’m an author. I recently had a character use a slang word, then I had to look it up to be sure it would have been in use during that character’s time period. Whew! Safe on that account!

My research led me to discover something interesting about the word, josh. As a verb, josh means to joke around, banter or mock, and at one time it was capitalized. Did you know there was an actual man named Josh behind that word? Maybe two men?

The most interesting (though disputed) story goes that a man named Josh Tatum, back in the mid to late 1800s, figured out a way to build his fortune based on change. A nickel, to be precise. Seems back then the US Liberty Head nickel didn’t have the word “cents” stamped on it. There was also a five dollar gold coin in circulation at the time, and the two looked somewhat alike. Josh and a friend figured out how to gold plate the nickels. He’d go into a store, buy something that cost five cents or less, and get $4.95 back. It took law enforcement awhile to catch up to him, but when he went to court, he wasn’t found guilty on the most serious of the charges. How can that be?

Mr. Tatum was a deaf-mute, so when he gave the clerks his doctored nickel and they gave him the wrong change, “it wasn’t his fault” because he didn’t misrepresent the coin since he never “said” it was a five dollar coin. Go figure! Needless to say, the government promptly stamped “cents” on the nickels from there on out so no one could “josh” the clerks into thinking five cents was five dollars.

The other Josh was an American humorist writing from about 1860. His name was actually Henry Wheeler Shaw, but he wrote under the pen name of Josh Billings. It seems Mr. Shaw was a prankster. In his second year in college, he was expelled for stealing the clapper from the school bell. Seems a bit extreme to me, but discipline was harsh and swift in those days. It didn’t hold Mr. Shaw back, for he went on to write a number of humorous books, using plenty of slang, odd spellings, and his own brand of wit. Maybe he does deserve the title of originator of the word.

What interesting word origin stories do you have?

*This post was originally published on September 9, 2020, on the first version of my website.

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